When Did Different Become Bad?
I find it interesting as I get older how much our world is rapidly changing around us. It also has become abundantly clear that we are more divided than ever. This division has happened in part because of politics and the media, but the majority of this division has occurred because of our inability to accept differences. I’ve watched over the last few weeks as we’ve started to “re-open our economy” and each side fights with one another. We call the other side evil, ignorant, uneducated, and many other words I won’t say here. This couldn’t be further from the truth, we’re actually probably more educated than ever before as a world. The problem isn’t education or information, it’s our ability to see differences in people’s point of view. We’re all shaped by our experiences and upbringing as well as our own personal beliefs. Being different used to be an accepted thing. It used to be that being different meant something. Now it is shunned and we find ourselves surrounded by more and more people who think like us. This is why our divide has grown more and more.
When you only surround yourself with people who think and act like you, you close yourself off from half the world. The more we choose to live like this the more we grow apart from those who are different. I have a set of beliefs, I see things a certain way, and because you see them differently doesn’t make you my enemy it makes you someone who can shine light on something I may otherwise fail to see. When you only see things through one lens, you miss half the picture. When you miss half the picture it’s like building a puzzle without all the pieces. You may be able to tell what the image is, but the details are missing. We need to get back to appreciating people’s differences. We need understanding that someone else’s experience may make them see something differently than you. Then from there we can find a middle ground that allows everyone to grow closer together, not further apart.
I’ve seen so many people on Facebook recently post stuff like “got rid of a bunch of “friends” today who don’t think like me.” Why? I get there are certain people who if you remove from your life can make a huge positive impact on your mental health. However, the overwhelming majority of those who see things different than me can provide me an opportunity to engage in thought that I otherwise wouldn’t. I have a couple Facebook friends who are adamant about their political views and post regularly about how stupid the other side is. This is on both sides of the political spectrum. Instead of deleting these friends I try to take a minute to try my best to see things from their perspective. While I don’t always find myself agreeing with their views, I find myself understanding some aspects of their beliefs. We each are guided by different beliefs, but that doesn’t make my viewpoint right and yours wrong. It doesn't make me smart and you stupid, it just makes my viewpoint different.
When people say I’m done with these people they don’t think like me, I say tell me more. I want to be challenged by others to think different. I want to be challenged to see the world from a different perspectives. I want to be challenged to learn and grow. Every person has the ability to teach you something. No matter their level of education, their political views, their socio-economic standing, their race or religion; if you choose to listen (really listen) everyone has a story to tell you that can impact how you see the world. If you push away different you become short-sighted and lose opportunities for personal growth.
Imagine if Apple or Google didn’t want to be different or pushed away thoughts or ideas that challenged what was acceptable. Do you think they would have become what they are today? Do you think we’d know the name Steve Jobs if he was like everyone else, or only surrounded himself with people who only thought like him? I mean Apple lives off their slogan which states simply “Think Different.” Not an Apple fan? How about video games? Electronic Arts slogan “Challenge Everything.” Still not resonating? The point is that these large successful organizations don’t discourage thinking different or being different, they embrace it. We are always going to think differently than our neighbor, and that used to be what made America great. Now days, if you think different than me you're stupid and we can’t be friends.
Personally, I want to be surrounded by people who think different than me. I want to be challenged and put outside my comfort zone. I want to be pushed to see things from different angles and perspectives. Everyone knows the cup half empty or half full comparison, but that’s just about mindset. Here’s a better way to describe people’s differences. Imagine you're standing on the sidewalk across from someone. You take a piece of chalk and draw a six. This is your thoughts and beliefs and how you see the world. You then look at the other person and say, “look six!” The other person looks down, studies what you just drew then points at it and says, “nine!” At this point you have two choices, scream and yell until your view is the only one that’s heard, or walk over to where this other person is and look at things from a different view. Both people are right, both people have a valid reason for seeing what they see and we may find by taking time to see the world differently that we’re not that far apart.
Take that same scenario. I see a six and you see a nine. How do we come to a middle ground that we can both agree on without totally switching sides? Think about it for a second, how can I make my six make sense when you see a nine? The solution is simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The truth to finding compromise isn’t by forcing people to see your six or nine, but allowing each of our perspectives to change what we see. If we let go of the idea that there’s only a six or nine on the ground, we may be able to create a new image that we both can see the same. By turning my six into an eight it allows us both to see the same image, from different points of view. But we both have to be willing to change what we see for this to happen. It can’t happen if either of us holds onto our perspective.
I saw a post the other day about a company trying to find a way to safely re-open during these uncertain times. They were concerned with upholding all the guidelines that were laid out for them to safely operate. They wanted to come back slowly to allow for them to start to make some money, but also to keep people safe. I thought this was a reasonable post explaining that operations may be different than normal for a while. Then someone posted, “I followed you guys and was excited about checking your place out, but now I can see you’re all about money.” I personally don’t see it, or understand this point of view. But here’s the truth about this situation. I look at this post from the point of view of a business person; without opening up they can’t pay their bills or their employees, or make money to feed their family. The person who made this comment probably doesn’t understand this cause they’re probably receiving aide from the government or has a job they can work from home. That’s great for them, but the business they’re commenting on doesn’t have that option, hasn’t received aid and doesn’t have any money coming in, how do you suggest they survive? Because while money isn’t everything, you tell me how to get anything in this world without money? The other perspective is maybe the person commenting on this post has lost someone to this disease, so I can appreciate their concern for opening up. So instead of blasting them for being unreasonable to small business owners, maybe we all can find a middle ground that allows us to develop a better understanding.
The problem with differences lies with not accepting that your opinion or view may be skewed by personal experiences. Also being willing to agree to disagree is ok. I’m not always going to agree with other people’s beliefs. I shouldn’t, it would make us all robots. But I should have the patience and kindness to acknowledge these differences and perhaps learn and grow from them. It’s time to allow someone’s differences to pull us more to the middle instead of creating a larger divide. That is the ultimate challenge and one we must all start to accept if we want to change the direction we’re headed in.
The truth is that I’m not always going to agree with you, and you’re not always going to agree with me. I’m going to be more stubborn about certain topics than others because of my experiences and same goes for you. The ultimate sign of growth though is to look at these differences and say I appreciate your view and I want you around to keep my biases in check and to allow me to question things instead only seeing things one way. Stop blocking people out for their differences. The world has too many people with things to offer to get stuck seeing the world through one lens. Don’t get stuck only seeing six, when if you take the time you too can see the nine. Or better yet, instead of only seeing sixes and nines let’s find a way to draw eights. If I’m willing to change my six, and you’re willing to change your nine we can all start to see eights. But it starts with a willingness to appreciate other people’s differences. Let’s be the change we need, not the reason for more division.
